Listed below are questions that supposedly were asked of rangers at U.S. National Parks. Only those who have not heard some of the questions asked of park rangers, living historians and Civil War reenators would dismiss these as entirely untrue. [For example, see Reenactor Humor.]

While the questions are funny in themselves, I thought I would provide some answers.

Q: "Are any of the scenes in the movie Gettysburg real war footage?"

A: Yes, but only from the Union side. The blockade of Confederate ports prevented Rebel cameramen from getting the developing supplies they needed for most of the War. However, Union combat cameramen were well supplied and active on all fronts. While most of the real war footage was limited to distance shots of men charging or defending against Confederate charges, one Union cameraman was lucky enough to capture on film, from a close perspective, the killing of Union General Reynolds at Gettysburg. Look for this scene the next time you see the movie. A side note: This early film, as a finished product, was very expensive back then. Color film did not exist and each frame had to be hand colored, usually by soldiers' wives in cottage industries, in the same manner in which soldiers' wives were paid to sew uniforms for the Army. However, no more film was taken after the Battle of Gettysburg, as it was this film, freshly arrived from the battle and shown in theaters, which caused the Draft Riots in July 1863 in New York as civilians viewed the carnage on the battlefield and then panicked . To preserve order, the U.S. government forbade any more filming and the technique was not used again until the end of the 19th century.

Q: "How come the Indians didn't use the war as a diversion to escape from America?"

A: Boy, did they blow this opportunity, or what? Actually, some did try, but when boarding ocean liners for Europe disguised in tall silk hats and Brooks Brothers suits, they were quickly identified by their moccasins and sent back out West.

Q: "What role did the United Nations play in the war?"

A: Actually, it did cause quite a round of discussion in the General Assembly, but just like today, by the time they got around to voting on taking action, the war was over and the dead were safely buried.

Q: "Which side had control of the Pentagon?"

A: The Pentagon is in Virginia so it was controlled by the Confederacy. But since the Confederates were in need of hard cash they leased excess office space to the Union. Small skirmishes would break out on a regular basis in the halls until walls were erected to separate the office space of the two sides. These walls exist to this day, which is why the Navy, Army and Air Force brass never talk to each other and often go off in different directions when developing the "ultimate, all-purpose weapon" and $750 hammers.

Q: "Which side was Hawaii on?"

A: Like many states, Hawaii sent its men to fight on both sites. Unfortunately, little is known about the men who fought, hulaed and died in the Civil War. A lava flow covered the building in which all records of the 1st (CSA and USA) Hawaiian Amphibious Cavalry and 1st Hawaiian Luau Catering (USA) Regiments were stored. This is a shame, as these units played a decisive role in the long forgotten Battle of Hell, Kentucky (see http://battleofolustee.org/related/hell.htm). In addition, the assault of the 54th Massachusetts Infantry on Battery Wagner might have been successful if the planned, coordinated, seaborne assault of the 1st Hawaiian Amphibious Cavalry had not been canceled due to the fact that the regiment's surfboards did not arrive in time.

Q: "Why didn't the North use missiles against the South?"

A: This is so obvious it is amazing that living historians are even asked this. If the North had used missiles against the South, thereby escalating the conflict, the South would have replied with its IBMs (That's interstate ballistic missiles, not PCs.) Eventually both sides would be participating in a nuclear war that neither could win. The land would have been drenched with radiation and no food could have been grown. However, the radiation might actually have made tobacco safer. Moreover, the westward migration would have been sooner and bigger and finally in the last decade of the 20th century pioneers from the Federation of Western States would begin to travel eastward to settle the lands east of the Mississippi. Or as one western newspaper editor might have written, "Go East, young person of nonspecific gender, go East!"

Q: "What kind of car did U. S. Grant drive?"

A: As you may know, General Grant was not one for dressing up. In fact, he often worn a private's overcoat with his rank simply sewn on. This was also reflected in his car - an old Ford Falcon that had seen better days. In fact, if AAA hadn't been available on call to give him a battery charge he would never have made it to the McLean House at Appomattox in time for the surrender. Robert E. Lee, on the other hand usually was driven around in a late model Lincoln Towncar, except the "Lincoln" was pried off and replaced by a "Davis" logo. Both cars are now stored in a warehouse owned by the Smithsonian Institute, along with General Sherman's tank.

Q: "Why were the Federal troops always angry?"

A: Well, you'd be angry too if you had to act in those movies. From the Birth of a Nation on every Civil War movie Hollywood made (except for the ones John Wayne acted in) showed Union soldiers acting like Keystone Cops while even Confederate privates are depicted as being as smart (militarily) as Napoleon. Sit through a weekend of Civil War movies and you begin to wonder how the South lost the Civil War. (Perhaps it did win, but the verdict was overturned on appeal at the District Court.) Even the movie Glory, which depicted Union black troops in a very favorable light, was OK by Hollywood standards simply because most Union officers were made to look either corrupt or bigoted. When Gettysburg was shown many Confederate reenactors complained that it was biased toward the Union simply because it made both sides look competent and gallant. Please remember that Hollywood produces "entertainment," not history. For example, if you saw the TV series North and South, you know that the series spent a lot of time covering the cause of the Civil War. And according to that series, the cause of the Civil War was sex!

Q: "How many dogs and cats were killed during the war?"

A: Actually, many units had dogs as mascots. And some of these dogs were known for their bravery and others for running away at the first sound of battle. However, none were injured during the Civil War as the SPCA had representatives with each division to ensure the safety of these animals. But the soldiers didn't have just dogs and cats as mascots. The 8th Wisconsin Volunteers had a famous bald eagle ("Old Abe") as its mascot and, believe it or not, the 43rd Mississippi had a camel named "Douglas"(Why not "Old Jeff" ?).

For some additional information and thoughts on Civil War mascots, see the file on War Dogs of the North and South at http://battleofolustee.org/related/cw-pets.htm. If you read this file, please don't send me any hate mail. When I first posted it to a Civil War BBS years ago I was deluged with hate mail from people who didn't realize I was spoofing a Civil War Times article. One nut in England sent me eight huge messages accusing me of participating in a vast conspiracy that linked the crucifixion of Jesus Christ to the defeat of the Confederacy. I had considerable problems following his logic. These messages were all posted to the BBS and generated all sorts of arguments and counter arguments that went off in various directions. As a result, another nut from Virginia sent me a letter, crudely written in pencil, (I still have no idea how he got my snail mail address.) thanking me for proving that the Holocaust never happened and asking if I would join his KKK group. I never understood how he arrived at this conclusion from a message on Civil War unit mascots and I never replied to his letter to ask. This incident, more than anything I have read, proved to me that there are some real weirdos on the Internet.

Q: "Who had more airplanes, the North or the South?"

A: We've all heard of the Confederate Air Force and I guess a lot of park visitors have too. I think we'll hear this question less in the future as the Confederate Air Force recently voted to change its name, due to all the recent law suits concerning the Confederate battle flag. The Union didn't have its own air force, deciding instead to sub-contract the bombing and strafing to crop dusters who were temporarily idle while the two armies fought back and forth across farmer's fields.

Q: "Why were so many Civil War battles fought in National Parks?"

A: Well, let's face it! If you were a homeowner would you want two or three hundred thousand men and their horses and mules ("Hey, who's going to clean that up?") trampling on your lawn? This question rates right up there with, "What aren't there any bullet holes in the monuments?" (Answer: Because the monuments are self-sealing!) However, if the Civil War were held today, the participants would have to find other places to hold their battles, as the National Parks would be off limits due to the enviornmental impact to park property. Actually, we probably couldn't have a Civil War today. Army commanders would have to make sure that enough porta-potties were on site for the number of participants, that community limits on noise levels were followed (that eliminates cannons), all horses and mules would have to be examined by vets and have the required health paperwork, plus the SPCA would have people on site to make sure that no animals were injured in the course of the battle. Then there is the catering, and ensuring that the required number of EMS personnel were on standby, with off-duty police hired to direct traffic. The list goes on. After the first battle the two commanders would probably be tied up in so many lawsuits that the war would have to stop.

Q: "In what battle was President Lincoln killed?"

A: Think this is funny or made-up? I was once a member of a Civil War bulletin board (remember BBSs?) and a high school student came on asking for advice for a class project. She told us that her teacher had told her class that the reason the South lost the Civil War was because Robert E. Lee was killed. So who was that guy who, after the war, went on to become the president of Virginia's Washington (now Washington and Lee) University? However, when Confederate General Early led his army against Washington in late 1864, President Lincoln did visit the emplacements around Washington and looked across to the Confederates. Some shooting was taking place and Captain Oliver Wendell Holmes [of later Supreme Court fame], not recognizing the president, shouted, "Get down, you fool!" Old Abe followed his advice.

Q: "How many of the Civil War battles were fought in Europe?"

A: Actually the answer is "maybe" one, if we discount diplomatic "battles." The C.S.A. Alabama fought the U.S.S. Kearsarge on June 19, 1864. The sea battle was close enough to the French coast (off the port of Cherbourg) for people on shore to watch it. The Alabama was sunk. But since the battle took place outside the three mile limit, it wasn't technically fought in Europe. Plus, after the English Civil War, a series of wars against Napoleon, liberal revolutions in Germany and France and the ongoing Italian Civil War, Europe had pretty stong laws against fighting. Eventually, in early 1914, these laws were repealed as they were thought to be outdated in a civilized society. Unfortunately, this allowed World War I to start in August 1914.

I, Thomas R. Fasulo, portray a Union or Confederate infantry private at Civil War reenactments and living histories. For my day job I am an Extension Entomologist for the University of Florida and develop training software on fleas, termites, cockroaches, mole crickets, whiteflies, etc.

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